Sonntag, 23. Mai 2010

2 Minute Noodles Part 14 - Kid Chameleon

Definitely not everybody's darling, but certainly one of the most challenging and daring platformers I have ever come across. Where other people got frustrated by the seemingly endless stages, harsh time limit, and missing battery or password system, I absolutely adored music, difficulty, and the many different playable characters. No other game could create this amazing mishmash feeling of glee, disbelief, and powerlessness that you get after fighting your way through the Lion's Den level for 8 minutes only to realize that there's no level-ending flag waiting for you but instead just another warpzone into an even harder level. Only the bosses are disappointing. The wall-of-doom levels, on the other hand, are awesome!

Graphics: 65%
Music: 75%
Gameplay: 80%
Difficulty: Out of this world

Sonntag, 16. Mai 2010

2 Minute Noodles Part 13 - King of Monsters 2

The monsters are back and again they bash each others heads in. Slimy, gory tentacle things, hairy, fangy beasts and a guy in a super hero costume fight to the death in mini-scenarios. If you had the hots for the arcade-version you have to have the Genesis port. The two-player-mode is even better!

Graphics: 69%
Music: 65%
Sound: 75%
Gameplay: 77%
Monsters: en masse

2 Minute Noodles Part 12 - Columns for Adults

Ah well, the good old Columns is now available as the bad new Columns for grown ups. The R-rating is completely reasonable because you can see as much as one whole pink colored nipple in the background. Although that does not really divert your attention, you still lose due to the horribly swampy controls.

Graphics: -69%
Sound: beep
Music: 48%
Gameplay: 32%
Rated: R

2 Minute Noodles Part 11 - Valis III

An anime game for a change. The cutscenes and the introduction are nicely done for the Sega Genesis and are a pleasure for the gamers eye. The fact that one is able to change characters throughout the game makes the gameplay more fun, so do the manifold enemies and the nice music. All in all it's worth playing.

Graphics: 73%
Sound: 70%
Gameplay: 78%
Valis I: is not as good

Samstag, 15. Mai 2010

2 Minute Noodles Part 10 - Shadow of the Beast 2

If the first part is actually worse than this thing, then I pray to god that I never have to review the first one, ever! The stone-age Tarzan runs and jumps so mindblowingly shitty, that one is forced to hide the cartridge (if one really actually bought this piece of shit) in the darkest corner of the basement. 'Cause if a friend of yours ever sees that thing in your room, you're gonna be the most unpopular kid on the block.

Graphics: 20%
Sound: 15%
Gameplay: None
Shadow: Plenty

2 Minute Noodles Part 9 - Virtua Fighter VS. Tekken

This game is worse than a dookie placed on a tricycle with no wheels, rolling down a hill, trying to kill Rainer (Rosshirt, former editor of the Playtime Magazine), screaming "Booyahh, I'm a hippo! It also looks so bad that no application was able to make a screenshot of it. Trust me, the game is worse than cancer!

Graphic: Not even a little
Sound: Maybe
Gameplay: 2%
Shit: A nice big pile

2 Minute Noodles (Instant Classic Videogame Reviews) Part 8 - Viewpoint

.lla ti evah t'nac uoy, llew. sixa latnoziroh dna lacitrev a no enalp eht evom llits uoy tub. cirtemosi eb ot smees taht evitcepsrep a morf emit siht, retoohs A

scihparG: 70%
dnuoS: 70%
yalpemaG: 70%
snoitceriD: reeuQ

2 Minute Noodles (Instant Classic Videogame Reviews) Part 7 - Gaiares

A 2D shooter... for a change. This one trailblazingly scrolls from left to right and you're even allowed to steer a spaceship. Sadly there the innovation and the originality stops. What's left is boring old absorbing projectiles which (at least back then) happens in every single shooter!

Graphics: 62%
Sound: 60%
Gameplay: 79%
Shoot em Up: Yes

2 Minute Noodles (Instant Classic Videogame Reviews) Part 6 - Zero Wing

You know, I'm starting to feel like I'm being taken for a ride here, 'cause I'm getting almost no 2D shooters to review. This time I'm steering a knobbly spaceship with two sidekicks, which look almost exactly like the ship itself. That's why there's a lot of confusion about which of the three knobs has to evade the enemies and which of them can move through scot-free. Oh, this is also the game of "All your base" fame.

Graphics: 60%
Sound: 55%
Gameplay: 65%
Clear View: 0%

2 Minute Noodles (Instant Classic Videogame Reviews) Part 5 - Super Thunder Blade

A 3D shooter... why? If it wasn't for the awkward and notchy handling... it would be the invisible fireballs, concealed by the OWN chopper, to shoot down this game. The devil knows what's supposed to be so "super" about this one. Straight ahead into the rubbish bin, where ResQ and Shadow of the Beast II already dwell.

Graphics: 20%
Sound: 20%
Gameplay: 20%
Helicopter: 20%

2 Minute Noodles (Instant Classic Videogame Reviews) Part 4 - Galaxy Force 2

A 3D spaceship shooter. Mix between Starwing and Space Harrier II with a below average handling, monotone level design and an absent special-weapon-system. To put it short: a game for losers.

Graphics: 63%
Sound: 19%
Gameplay: 48%
13% : 13%

2 Minute Noodles (Instant Classic Videogame Reviews) Part 3 - Fireshark

A 2D vertically scrolling shoot-em-up... there's only a handful of games from this genre, so you have to be very forgiving with FIRESHARK. It does not matter that you are supposed to fight an army of high-end futuristic tanks with a test plane from the Brothers Wright and it also does not matter that this game is almost an exact copy of TRUXTON...

Graphics: 60%
Sound: 50%
Gameplay: 69%
Ship: Old

2 Minute Noodles (Instant Classic Videogame Reviews) Part 2 - Crash Dummies

It seems as if the programmers really "lost their heads" when they put the CRASH in this one, otherwise they probably would have noticed what a godawful product they released onto the market. Play the game or drive your car into a wall, it's basically the same outcome: headaches.

Graphics: KER-PLUNK
Music: Bleeeep
Sound: Boing
Dummies: Indeed

2 Minute Noodles (Instant Classic Videogame Reviews) Part 1 - Fighters History

Wow, another Street Fighter II clone... again. From Ryu to Zangief, every single character is a rip-off. The graphics are decent though and the special moves are interesting. But the difficulty is harsh and strategic gameplay like in the archetype Street Fighter II does not exist. It's more button mashing than anything else.

Graphics: Street Fighter Niveau
Sound: a little better
Music: 64%
Gameplay: 70%
Zangief: has a different name in this one